今日話題
從小到大， 每個人都有過被責備的經歷。
有些是事出有因的批評， 有些則是莫名其妙的辱駡。
尤其是， 當某些辱駡建立在“你是一個女孩”的基礎上時……
相信很多女孩， 尤其是比較活潑一些的女孩， 小時候都有被家長訓斥過：“哪像個女孩樣子！”
這是一句最常見、最普通不過的批評， 尋常到我們根本沒把它往性別歧視的方面去想。
只是， 無論男孩還是女孩， 其實都聽過許許多多基於性別刻板印象的指責：“娘娘腔”“娘pao”“沒人要”“嫁不出去”……
相比之下， 女性在性別上所承受的壓力， 似乎尤其之多。
前不久，
藝術家名叫蘇西(Suzie Blake)， 今年37歲。
Suzie Blake
蘇西在墨爾本展出了一面“牆”， 牆上有著許多手寫的字跡……
仔細一看， 發現這些手寫的字句裡， 藏著許多令人沉默的故事……
‘My mother told me at the age of 12 that I should not wear my bikini around the house because it would distract my father! We had a swimming pool in our backyard.’
“我家院子裡有個游泳池。 在我12歲那年， 媽媽和我說， 我不能再穿著比基尼在房子周圍晃了：因為那樣會使我爸分心！！”
‘The man who raped me when I was fourteen told me I had “charging rhinoceros thighs”.’
“在我14歲那年強姦了我的男人說， 我有著‘犀牛一樣粗的腿’。 ”
‘How it didn’t count as rape because I didn’t use our safe word. Never mind that I was half-asleep at the time.’
“沒定性為強姦案， 就因為我沒有呼救。 可是……那時候我根本是不清醒的， 一直昏昏沉沉啊。 ”
‘Your boobs are too small.’
“你的胸好小啊。 ”
‘I was 12 and I wouldn’t let a boy finger me, and the boys teased me that I was frigid – I didn’t even know what that meant.’
“12歲時， 我不讓男生隨便碰我， 於是他們取笑我說我‘性冷淡’——我當時甚至不知道這詞是什麼意思。 ”
‘End of primary school celebrations involved signing each other’s school uniforms. A fellow grade 6 boy wrote across my shirt over my lower back, in capitals “WIDE LOAD” with an arrow pointing down towards my bottom. I had to wear that shirt all day.’
“在小學慶典快結束時， 大家互相在對方的校服上簽名留念。 有個6年級的男生在我後背寫了‘超大容量’幾個字，
‘When I was born my father wouldn’t let my mother feed me formula because he thought I would become too fat. Then as I grew up he would shame me every day about my size and general appearance, that if I wasn’t smaller then nobody would love me or find me attractive. Then at age 15 I developed an eating disorder and still trying to shake it at 27.’
“剛出生時， 我爸不讓我媽給我喂嬰兒食品， 他覺得我會變胖。 後來我長大了， 他天天羞辱我的長相和體形， 說如果我再不瘦一點就不會有人喜歡我的。 15歲那年， 我患上了飲食失調症， 直到現在27歲了還在設法擺脫它。 ”
‘Being asked to breastfeed in another room, so as not to offend my grandma.’
“要我去別的房間給孩子餵奶， 別（袒胸露乳的）對奶奶不禮貌。 ”
‘I was 18 years old. The first comment from the gym instructor was if you lost some weight you would look good. I am now well into my 60s but have never forgotten how ordinary I felt.’
“在我18歲時， 我的健身教練對我的第一個評價就是， ‘如果你再瘦一點就會好看了’。 現在我已經60多歲了， 但我依然忘不了當時聽到這句話時的感受。 ”
‘Can I borrow her for the weekend?’
“這週末把她借給我吧？”
‘Boys in my class say that I can’t play soccer or footy but I can.’
“班裡的男生說， 我踢不了足球。 但我其實可以。 ”
‘After breaking up with him once and for all, I was ignoring him and started receiving a string of abusive messages, being called a slut over and over. He said I was a stupid girl (I was 25 years old) and the only thing I had going for me was a skinny waist.’
“和他分手之後， 我選擇對他視而不見，
‘We were discussing recent rapes in our city and a friend who is a law enforcement officer said to me, “you don’t need to worry. You’re too ugly to be raped.”
“我們在討論最近發生的一些強姦案件。 這時我的一個朋友（還是某執法機關的工作人員）對我說：‘你就不用擔心了啊。 你長這麼難看， 誰會來強姦你啊！’”
‘I was feeling pretty because I’d lost some weight. My husband said to me I’d “never have great legs”.’
“瘦了幾斤， 覺得自己挺好看的。 結果我先生說， 我‘從來沒有大長腿’。 ”
‘The first time I worked on a construction site as a graduate engineer, I sat down in the lunch room during our lunch break and one of my male colleagues sat next to me, opened up a porn magazine and loudly described each page to me whilst everyone else in the lunchroom laughed. I was too young and inexperienced to speak up.’
“畢業後成為了工程師， 第一次去建築工地工作。 中午我在餐廳裡坐下， 一個男同事坐在了我的旁邊， 打開了一本色情雜誌， 大聲向我描述每一頁。 餐廳裡的所有人都在笑。 而我當時太年輕， 又沒有經驗， 連出聲反駁都不敢。 ”
‘After the birth of my first child, as I was getting into the hot tub with my husband and his two friends. His one friend jumped out of the hot tub. Said “Gross, I can’t share a hot tub with a girl who’s all used up. You used to be hot, but now gross.” My husband laughed.’
“生了第一個孩子後， 有次我去泡澡， 我先生和他的兩個朋友也在。 其中一個朋友馬上跳出了浴缸：‘太粗俗了！我才不和一個已經被人用過了的女人呆在同一個浴缸裡！你以前挺女神的，
‘I got introduced to a prominent figure in the music industry and instead of saying “nice to meet you” he said “wow! You got big tits” – this was during an industry conference.’
“別人介紹一位元音樂行業的大人物給我認識。 初次見面， 對方說的不是‘見到你很高興’， 而是‘哇！你胸好大！’——而且這是在一次行業會議上。 ”
……
Art installation gives women a space to share their experiences of being shamed (via metro.co.uk)
上面這些寫在牆上的“秘密”， 只是這堵牆的一小部分。
它們涉及了女性日常遭受的侮辱的方方面面：外貌和體形的嘲笑、輕佻言語的性騷擾、“女孩就是不如男孩”的鄙夷、對女性的物化、對強姦案受害者的汙名化與二次傷害……
在接受採訪時， 蘇西袒露了自己製作這堵牆的初心。
她看到了那些懷孕的未成年少女， 遭受了怎樣異樣的眼光與侮辱。
‘I started thinking about the shame that is piled onto teenage girls who get pregnant, and how it’s impossible for guys to experience this same kind of shame,’ Suzie tells Metro.o.uk. ‘The irony is that everyone’s doing it, but it’s the girls who cop all the flak for getting pregnant.
‘I also started thinking about my own experiences of being shamed and how traumatizing certain comments people made to me were.
‘I suffered with eating disorders throughout my teenage years and twenties and I’m sure it had a lot to do with the shame I felt about my body.’
Art installation gives women a space to share their experiences of being shamed (via metro.co.uk)
這堵“秘密牆”的照片被發到了網上， 也引起了網友們的熱議。 有些人發表了自己的感想， 也有人吐露了曾經遭受侮辱的經歷。
以下是boredpanda上的部分留言……
@Eyeball:
These are heartbreaking. I have 4 daughters and I am terrified of what they will have to go through in this society. If everyone could start raising their young boys with respect towards all women, that would be great.
看著這些字句真讓人心碎。 我有4個女兒， 真不知道今後她們會在社會上經歷什麼， 想想都覺得害怕。 如果每個有兒子的家長， 都能從小教育兒子要尊重女性， 那就再好不過了。
@Fabulous:
First of all, why would breastfeeding offend the grandmother? She should be at least empathetic, she obviously was a mother.
等等……那個關於“餵奶”的， 我想知道餵奶怎麼就是對奶奶不禮貌了？奶奶自己也是一位母親， 她為什麼會看不慣餵奶這樣的舉動？？
@Agnieszka Hejnowicz:
Once I've got valentine card on which my classmate wrote: 'I like you but, you must lose weight'.
有次收到張情人節卡片， 同學送的， 他在卡片裡寫著：“我喜歡你， 但是……你必須要減減肥了。 ”
@Weeping Willowz:
I got cyber bullied by someone who I thought was my friend. I have a couple of mental disorders (not things like schizophrenia, little things) I have DPD (dependant personality disorder) depression and insomnia. The person I’m talking about started calling me a retard and a slut on skype. She told me that everyone hated me and that I have no friends. She bullied me to the point that I felt like committing suicide.
我在網路上被朋友欺淩過——好吧， 只是我認為的“朋友”而已。我有些精神疾病，抑鬱以及失眠。然後這個人在skype上叫我窩囊廢、蕩婦，說所有人都討厭我，我沒有朋友。這樣的話戳在心上，簡直像要自殺一樣難受。
@Eunice Probert:
When I was in high school in New Zealand, in the 1970's, I was constantly body-shamed by the other kids. I was told that I was so fat that I was not a human being and had no right to live. It went on every day, in class and out. They even shouted things at me across the road in the town.
70年代，我在紐西蘭讀高中，時常被其他的小孩侮辱，說我太胖了，簡直不像人類，沒有資格活下去。這種侮辱天天都有，課堂內外無處不在，甚至還在鎮裡的路上散播。
I am now 56 and I have suffered with depression every day of my life since those teenage years. I have come close to suicide several times. Even though I am married and my husband loves me as I am, it is still there in the back of my mind. I wish I could let those people know the damage they did. But would they even remember? Would they care? Probably not.
我現在56歲了。自青春時代至今，每天都備受抑鬱的折磨，甚至有好幾次想要自殺。雖然我結婚了，和先生很相愛，可這些侮辱仍深深紮在我的腦海中。多希望當年那些人能夠知道，他們到底對我造成了多大的傷害……可是啊，他們到底還記得那些侮辱嗎？會當回事嗎？可能並不會吧。
看到這裡，主頁君突然想起了自己也曾經歷過的一次侮辱。
去年某一天，我爸打電話來逼我找物件，劈頭蓋臉就是一句——“沒有男人你什麼都不是！”
當時，聽到這句話的我簡直是懵的。不敢相信這年頭還有人有這種思想，更不敢相信這話居然是一個父親說給他女兒聽的。
他怎麼說得出口。
當然了，家長們的一些心情可以理解。而女性從小到大遭受的各類侮辱數不勝數，區區“剩女”二字，已經算是“初級模式”了。
問題是……面對這些侮辱，你是忍氣吞聲，還是不當回事？亦或是努力反駁抗爭？
最後，用MetroUK這篇報導的幾句話來作結：
If you’re a woman, it’s highly likely you’ve had shame thrown at you.
如果你是女性，很有可能你已面臨過許多侮辱。
You’ve been told to feel ashamed of your body, your sexuality, your wants and needs.
無視你的體形，還有性方面的調侃，嘲笑你的願望，無視你的需求。
We don’t talk about this a lot, because, well, we’re ashamed.
雖然我們不常談論這些，但事實是，我們都被侮辱過。
Silence is the currency of shamers. They win when we buy into the shame and hide ourselves away, don’t speak, and keep it zipped.
而沉默，就是侮辱者最好的幫兇。當我們對侮辱保持沉默、逃避自我、甚至連自己都對那些的侮辱的話深以為然時……那就是他們的勝利。而那些侮辱，也更會甚囂塵上。
And so, sharing stories and speaking out is power. Refusing to be ashamed is power.
故此，只有把自己的經歷說出來，勇敢表達，才是最大的力量。勇於對侮辱說“不”，這才是改變現狀的力量所在。
你經歷過哪些基於性別的侮辱？無論男性還是女性，都歡迎分享你的聲音~
文：lanlan
圖：Suzie Blake、網路
只是我認為的“朋友”而已。我有些精神疾病，抑鬱以及失眠。然後這個人在skype上叫我窩囊廢、蕩婦，說所有人都討厭我，我沒有朋友。這樣的話戳在心上，簡直像要自殺一樣難受。@Eunice Probert:
When I was in high school in New Zealand, in the 1970's, I was constantly body-shamed by the other kids. I was told that I was so fat that I was not a human being and had no right to live. It went on every day, in class and out. They even shouted things at me across the road in the town.
70年代，我在紐西蘭讀高中，時常被其他的小孩侮辱，說我太胖了，簡直不像人類，沒有資格活下去。這種侮辱天天都有，課堂內外無處不在，甚至還在鎮裡的路上散播。
I am now 56 and I have suffered with depression every day of my life since those teenage years. I have come close to suicide several times. Even though I am married and my husband loves me as I am, it is still there in the back of my mind. I wish I could let those people know the damage they did. But would they even remember? Would they care? Probably not.
我現在56歲了。自青春時代至今，每天都備受抑鬱的折磨，甚至有好幾次想要自殺。雖然我結婚了，和先生很相愛，可這些侮辱仍深深紮在我的腦海中。多希望當年那些人能夠知道，他們到底對我造成了多大的傷害……可是啊，他們到底還記得那些侮辱嗎？會當回事嗎？可能並不會吧。
看到這裡，主頁君突然想起了自己也曾經歷過的一次侮辱。
去年某一天，我爸打電話來逼我找物件，劈頭蓋臉就是一句——“沒有男人你什麼都不是！”
當時，聽到這句話的我簡直是懵的。不敢相信這年頭還有人有這種思想，更不敢相信這話居然是一個父親說給他女兒聽的。
他怎麼說得出口。
當然了，家長們的一些心情可以理解。而女性從小到大遭受的各類侮辱數不勝數，區區“剩女”二字，已經算是“初級模式”了。
問題是……面對這些侮辱，你是忍氣吞聲，還是不當回事？亦或是努力反駁抗爭？
最後，用MetroUK這篇報導的幾句話來作結：
If you’re a woman, it’s highly likely you’ve had shame thrown at you.
如果你是女性，很有可能你已面臨過許多侮辱。
You’ve been told to feel ashamed of your body, your sexuality, your wants and needs.
無視你的體形，還有性方面的調侃，嘲笑你的願望，無視你的需求。
We don’t talk about this a lot, because, well, we’re ashamed.
雖然我們不常談論這些，但事實是，我們都被侮辱過。
Silence is the currency of shamers. They win when we buy into the shame and hide ourselves away, don’t speak, and keep it zipped.
而沉默，就是侮辱者最好的幫兇。當我們對侮辱保持沉默、逃避自我、甚至連自己都對那些的侮辱的話深以為然時……那就是他們的勝利。而那些侮辱，也更會甚囂塵上。
And so, sharing stories and speaking out is power. Refusing to be ashamed is power.
故此，只有把自己的經歷說出來，勇敢表達，才是最大的力量。勇於對侮辱說“不”，這才是改變現狀的力量所在。
你經歷過哪些基於性別的侮辱？無論男性還是女性，都歡迎分享你的聲音~
文：lanlan
圖：Suzie Blake、網路