今日話題
期末了， 學生党們又快要進入考試季了。
考試當然不是件多好玩的事兒。 但是有些人， 就把考試考出了神一樣的風采……
上周， 不少小夥伴都去考了大學英語四六級。
作為每年兩次、大學生人人可參與（有些學校禁止大一參加）的英語考試， 四六級——可能是你這輩子唯一一次和全國同齡人考一樣題目的考試了……（畢竟高考還分區域呢~）
可是呢， 上大學之後除了語言專業，
於是， 每年的四六級考試題目， 就成了許多英語基礎一般的小夥伴們的噩夢……
比方說， 今年的三套四級翻譯， 分別長這樣……
“華山版”：
“黃山版”：
“泰山版”：
……出卷老師是多熱愛名山大川啊！
而到了六級的翻譯， “山”又變成了……
……我算是明白今年“上午四級爬山， 下午六級投湖”的梗是哪兒來的了。
遇上這樣令人淚流滿面的題目，考生們當然也不能直接淚流滿面一通算了。再寫不出來，胡編亂造也得寫啊！填滿版面是俺們的優良傳統！
好吧，那麼來感受下各地考生的發揮……
@大餅學弟：泰山寫了Mountain Tai，結果唱了起來，Mountain Tai，就跟著一起來
@牛排不吃牛排：不孕不育：make love everyday but no baby 。。。
@楊不萌醬：把“溫泉”翻譯成gulugulu water，我就知道這次又涼了
@劉昭LikeEntrepreneur：企業家：Someone like MaYun
@ZimorLee：相交點 banana point
@西喜呀：朝拜 go to see GuanYin
@Already-97：鳥的棲息地：bird’s bedroom
@叫我不良呀：son of sky 天之驕子
@養貓的獅子座：怦然心動： make my heart peng peng peng~~~~
@梨樹妖：怦然心動不應該是make your heart boom shaka laka麼
@惡婆婆黑暗進化：前兩天看到的一個，叩首：let your head duang duang duang on the ground
@走乖：淡水湖 no salt hu
@LittleBigTown：藥草真的不是medicine grass？？？
@我說安安你說瘦：葬禮 the party of death 真墳頭蹦迪
@五秒男：我朋友翻譯的機動車是“exciting cars”，迴圈利用“use again and again”
@-蔣委：Mountain tai is wa oh……
Wa oh個頭啊……
說到這個，主頁君不由想起了自己很多年前的某次英語考試裡，出現了“奶粉”這個單詞。
當時根本不知道“奶粉”的英文是啥的我，靈機一動，寫了個……
milk dust
……不知道閱卷老師看到的時候，內心會不會有neng死我的衝動。
考場如戲場啊……每個人從小到大，都要參加無數次考試。大到中考高考，小到月考模擬測驗，可謂是身經百戰。
但是，在考場這樣一個神奇的環境裡，往往會出現一些令人哭笑不得的事情……
在國外網站reddit上，就有人問了這樣一個問題：
你在考試中做過最喜感的事是什麼？
來看看網友們的回答……
@Jux_:
My college roommate took a summer class to get his grades up and sometimes I would be bored and go with him. It was early American history, pretty interesting stuff, and the professor was solid so it wasn't a bad way to kill a few hours. → 室友申請了暑假課程，有時候也陪他一起去上上
Any way, the third time I did this was actually an exam day. Now I had two options: walk out and force an awkward interaction along the lines of "yeah I know I've been here a few times and even spoke up in class but I'm not actually enrolled" or I could buckle down and take the exam. → 某次繼續陪他去上課，突然發現這堂課是考試！我是趕緊走人呢，還是坐下來瞎考一回？
So I took the exam. I wrote on the first page on the Blue Book "hey, I'm not actually in your class, but I didn't want to walk out, so you shouldn't waste your time grading this but I'm going to give it 100%." → 我決定考！然後，我在試卷第一頁上寫下了：Hey, 我其實沒選這門課，但我也不想就這麼走出去，不過您不用浪費時間來給我打分啦~但我自己會全力以赴的嘿嘿~
My roommate came back from class a few days later and told me "the kid not actually in the class" got the fifth highest grade. → 之後，選了這門課的室友告訴我，我這個“沒選這門課的小盆友”的分數是全班第五高的……
那……那室友自己考了多少分呢……
@NebulaNinja:
States and capitals test. I had no clue what the capital of Alabama was and my best guess was "Sweet home." The teacher was not amused. → 有次考試，問阿拉巴馬州的首府是哪。我努力地填了個“甜蜜的家”。不過並沒有打動老師。
@insanetwit:
My last high school exam was a creative writing exam. All semester I kept bringing in a Coke to drink in the class. It was a running thing, me and a bottle of Coke. → 創造性寫作課，整個學期我每次都會帶瓶可樂去上課。
so my teacher asks me a week before the exam, If I'm going to bring a coke to class. I look at her and say "This is my last exam and I'm free of this place! I'm going to wear a tie, and have a case of Coke!" She laughed, but sure enough, when the day came, I sat at my desk with a 24 of coke. (and my "Sunday Best" as they say) → 考試當天，我華麗地搬了一箱可樂過去，整整24瓶！
the fun part is, she came to me several times because other students in the class wanted a Coke. → 結果那天，老師好幾次過來找我，問我要可樂……因為其他的同學也想喝可樂
邊喝可樂邊考試，那感覺美美噠……
@linkpunch:
Question was, "What is a vigilante?" → 問：“聯防隊員”（義務警員）是什麼？
Answer that I wrote was "A vigilante is a self-appointed law enforcer, such as Batman." → 我答：就是蝙蝠俠那種啊~
Still got full marks. My History teacher was great. → 得了滿分！歷史老師棒棒噠！
@PM_TITS_IM_HORNY:
I ate a Subway sandwich and then fell asleep because I usually take naps after I eat and I just couldn't stay awake. → 考試時吃了個三明治，睡著了……因為我一般吃完飯後都會昏昏欲睡的……
The sandwich was great, my exam grade was not. → 嗯……三明治挺好吃的，但是考試掛科了
@ Nogsbar:
I was doing a french tape test in school. The question was about what instrument the boy played. I heard nothing. I wrote "tuning Fork." → 一個錄音考試，題目問小男孩演奏的樂器是什麼。而我什麼都沒聽到。所以……我寫了個“音叉”
@increasingrain:
On one of the questions I had no idea. I wrote down a number. Afterwards, I wrote "assume this is the right answer." → 有個題目寫不出來，我就瞎填了個數字。然後來了句：假設這是正確答案。
好吧，你們連考試都這麼“佛”的嗎……
考試過程中，當然會發生許多有趣的事兒，可以給咱那慘不忍睹的分數增添一點光彩。（有嗎？）
但是，有些神奇的人，註定是連試還沒去考，就已經驚豔眾生了……
來看看下面這位……
@明還_：
哈哈哈哈我可能要笑死！！段子一樣的事情就在今天發生了！！！
我一個師兄報名電腦考試，因為證件照一直上傳不成功，所以作死換了張表情包發上去……
結果改不了了，打電話給考試委員會，得到的回復是“同學 我們只能給你換一個方向呢”……
然後最後就成了這樣……
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈簡直今年最佳，我笑了快五分鐘了！！！！
面對這樣的神級操作，有網友也不甘示弱，搬出了……
@濟南砍王：
好吧……你們贏了！
你今年有參加四六級考試嗎？平常考試中有碰到過什麼好玩的事兒嗎？歡迎留言分享吐槽！
文：lanlan
圖：網路
遇上這樣令人淚流滿面的題目，考生們當然也不能直接淚流滿面一通算了。再寫不出來，胡編亂造也得寫啊！填滿版面是俺們的優良傳統！
好吧，那麼來感受下各地考生的發揮……
@大餅學弟：泰山寫了Mountain Tai，結果唱了起來，Mountain Tai，就跟著一起來
@牛排不吃牛排：不孕不育：make love everyday but no baby 。。。
@楊不萌醬：把“溫泉”翻譯成gulugulu water，我就知道這次又涼了
@劉昭LikeEntrepreneur：企業家：Someone like MaYun
@ZimorLee：相交點 banana point
@西喜呀：朝拜 go to see GuanYin
@Already-97：鳥的棲息地：bird’s bedroom
@叫我不良呀：son of sky 天之驕子
@養貓的獅子座：怦然心動： make my heart peng peng peng~~~~
@梨樹妖：怦然心動不應該是make your heart boom shaka laka麼
@惡婆婆黑暗進化：前兩天看到的一個，叩首：let your head duang duang duang on the ground
@走乖：淡水湖 no salt hu
@LittleBigTown：藥草真的不是medicine grass？？？
@我說安安你說瘦：葬禮 the party of death 真墳頭蹦迪
@五秒男：我朋友翻譯的機動車是“exciting cars”，迴圈利用“use again and again”
@-蔣委：Mountain tai is wa oh……
Wa oh個頭啊……
說到這個，主頁君不由想起了自己很多年前的某次英語考試裡，出現了“奶粉”這個單詞。
當時根本不知道“奶粉”的英文是啥的我，靈機一動，寫了個……
milk dust
……不知道閱卷老師看到的時候，內心會不會有neng死我的衝動。
考場如戲場啊……每個人從小到大，都要參加無數次考試。大到中考高考，小到月考模擬測驗，可謂是身經百戰。
但是，在考場這樣一個神奇的環境裡，往往會出現一些令人哭笑不得的事情……
在國外網站reddit上，就有人問了這樣一個問題：
你在考試中做過最喜感的事是什麼？
來看看網友們的回答……
@Jux_:
My college roommate took a summer class to get his grades up and sometimes I would be bored and go with him. It was early American history, pretty interesting stuff, and the professor was solid so it wasn't a bad way to kill a few hours. → 室友申請了暑假課程，有時候也陪他一起去上上
Any way, the third time I did this was actually an exam day. Now I had two options: walk out and force an awkward interaction along the lines of "yeah I know I've been here a few times and even spoke up in class but I'm not actually enrolled" or I could buckle down and take the exam. → 某次繼續陪他去上課，突然發現這堂課是考試！我是趕緊走人呢，還是坐下來瞎考一回？
So I took the exam. I wrote on the first page on the Blue Book "hey, I'm not actually in your class, but I didn't want to walk out, so you shouldn't waste your time grading this but I'm going to give it 100%." → 我決定考！然後，我在試卷第一頁上寫下了：Hey, 我其實沒選這門課，但我也不想就這麼走出去，不過您不用浪費時間來給我打分啦~但我自己會全力以赴的嘿嘿~
My roommate came back from class a few days later and told me "the kid not actually in the class" got the fifth highest grade. → 之後，選了這門課的室友告訴我，我這個“沒選這門課的小盆友”的分數是全班第五高的……
那……那室友自己考了多少分呢……
@NebulaNinja:
States and capitals test. I had no clue what the capital of Alabama was and my best guess was "Sweet home." The teacher was not amused. → 有次考試，問阿拉巴馬州的首府是哪。我努力地填了個“甜蜜的家”。不過並沒有打動老師。
@insanetwit:
My last high school exam was a creative writing exam. All semester I kept bringing in a Coke to drink in the class. It was a running thing, me and a bottle of Coke. → 創造性寫作課，整個學期我每次都會帶瓶可樂去上課。
so my teacher asks me a week before the exam, If I'm going to bring a coke to class. I look at her and say "This is my last exam and I'm free of this place! I'm going to wear a tie, and have a case of Coke!" She laughed, but sure enough, when the day came, I sat at my desk with a 24 of coke. (and my "Sunday Best" as they say) → 考試當天，我華麗地搬了一箱可樂過去，整整24瓶！
the fun part is, she came to me several times because other students in the class wanted a Coke. → 結果那天，老師好幾次過來找我，問我要可樂……因為其他的同學也想喝可樂
邊喝可樂邊考試，那感覺美美噠……
@linkpunch:
Question was, "What is a vigilante?" → 問：“聯防隊員”（義務警員）是什麼？
Answer that I wrote was "A vigilante is a self-appointed law enforcer, such as Batman." → 我答：就是蝙蝠俠那種啊~
Still got full marks. My History teacher was great. → 得了滿分！歷史老師棒棒噠！
@PM_TITS_IM_HORNY:
I ate a Subway sandwich and then fell asleep because I usually take naps after I eat and I just couldn't stay awake. → 考試時吃了個三明治，睡著了……因為我一般吃完飯後都會昏昏欲睡的……
The sandwich was great, my exam grade was not. → 嗯……三明治挺好吃的，但是考試掛科了
@ Nogsbar:
I was doing a french tape test in school. The question was about what instrument the boy played. I heard nothing. I wrote "tuning Fork." → 一個錄音考試，題目問小男孩演奏的樂器是什麼。而我什麼都沒聽到。所以……我寫了個“音叉”
@increasingrain:
On one of the questions I had no idea. I wrote down a number. Afterwards, I wrote "assume this is the right answer." → 有個題目寫不出來，我就瞎填了個數字。然後來了句：假設這是正確答案。
好吧，你們連考試都這麼“佛”的嗎……
考試過程中，當然會發生許多有趣的事兒，可以給咱那慘不忍睹的分數增添一點光彩。（有嗎？）
但是，有些神奇的人，註定是連試還沒去考，就已經驚豔眾生了……
來看看下面這位……
@明還_：
哈哈哈哈我可能要笑死！！段子一樣的事情就在今天發生了！！！
我一個師兄報名電腦考試，因為證件照一直上傳不成功，所以作死換了張表情包發上去……
結果改不了了，打電話給考試委員會，得到的回復是“同學 我們只能給你換一個方向呢”……
然後最後就成了這樣……
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈簡直今年最佳，我笑了快五分鐘了！！！！
面對這樣的神級操作，有網友也不甘示弱，搬出了……
@濟南砍王：
好吧……你們贏了！
你今年有參加四六級考試嗎？平常考試中有碰到過什麼好玩的事兒嗎？歡迎留言分享吐槽！
文：lanlan
圖：網路