For many people raised in abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional families, the message "you made your bed, now lie in it" is a common life philosophy taught and promoted throughout childhood.It’s a message typically passed down from one generation to the next, particularly when there was prior victimization or helplessness. This mindset gets normalized and subsequent generations stop challenging its legitimacy. Instead, the belief is that there are limited choices in life and once they’re made, you’re stuck with them. Even worse, there is the belief that leaving an old “bed” in search of a better one is irresponsible, selfish, or immature.
很多人在成長過程中遭受過家庭虐待， 很多人在冷漠的或不和睦的家庭中長大， 對於他們來說“你做的選擇， 現在自食其果吧”這句教訓就像是家常便飯一樣的生活哲學道理， 並且貫穿整個童年生活。 這句話通常是一代一代傳遞下去的， 尤其是當之前經歷過欺騙與無助的時候。 這種思維模式變得規範化了， 後面的一代代人便不再挑戰它的合理性。 反而， 人們會認為生活中的選擇是有限的， 一旦你做了選擇， 你就要堅持下去。 更糟的是， 有的人認為放棄這個選擇轉而尋求更好的是不負責、自私、不成熟的表現。
Limiting your options is a powerful and destructive mantra because it discounts many of the basic rights you possess as a human being. Those rights include re-evaluating your choices and decisions in life, changing your mind and your course of action to match ongoing or changing circumstances. The important decisions you made always occurred within a specific life context:
· Perhaps it was a time in your life when you lacked experience orwisdom.
· Maybe you felt pressured to accommodate other people.
· You may have been acting from a lack of emotional maturity or positiveself-esteem.
· Or, maybe you were unconsciously re-playing what was modeled and normalized for you in childhood.
限制你的選擇是一種有力但具破壞性的咒語， 因為它會使你作為人類享有的很多基本權利都大打折扣， 包括重新評估你在生活中所做的選擇與決定， 改變你的思維和行動來配合不斷發展和變化的環境。 你所做的重要決定往往都發生在一個特定的生活環境中：
也許那時的你缺乏經驗與智慧。
也許那時你為幫助別人而承受壓力。
也許那時你表現得不夠成熟或缺乏自尊心。
或者， 也許那時你不自覺地重新陷入童年塑造並規範化的思維模式。
The truth is, the personal, academic, and professional decisions that met your needs 5, 10, or 20 years ago may be completely irrelevant to your life today. Presently, your eyes may be opened in ways as never before. Maybe you've tapped into a creative, curious, or adventurous part of yourself that wasn’t as available in the past; and that new part has very different needs and desires. Maybe you've simply outgrown those choices previously made that once served you well. Perhaps you’ve come to realize that you deserve more or deserve to be treated with greaterloveand respect. The bottom line is you should never be permanently stuck with a choice that worked in the past but is no longer useful, relevant, productive, or safe in the present.
事實是， 5, 10或20年前滿足你需求的那些個人的、學術的和專業的決定， 可能在今天對你的生活完全沒有意義。 目前， 在很多方面， 你的視野可能拓寬了， 這是之前從來沒有過的。
You have the right to leave that “bed” and discover a new one that truly reflects who you are and what you currently need and desire. This is especially important when’ve you made those prior decisions under pressure orstress. Or you discover that you‘ve actually beenlyingon a harmful “bed of nails.” The New Year is a natural time for inward reflection, re-evaluating decisions and choices, and allowing yourself to decide if they still work for you or if it’s time to do something different.
你有權利放棄原來的選擇， 然後去發現新的， 它可以真正地反映出你是誰以及你當下的需求與欲望。 當你之前在壓力之下做了一些決定， 這就尤為重要， 或者， 當你發現自己其實做了一個百害無一利的選擇。
Anyone who insists that you must forever stay with your original choices is asking you to remain frozen in time. They may push the idea because it meets their own personal agenda or needs without considering the impact that it’s having on you and your life. People can be quick to weigh in, even when you haven’t asked for their opinion. They’ll give you advice about what they think is in your best interests. They might make sweeping statements and judgments about your life even when they don’t know the whole story. They might be out of touch with your current needs and feelings or the toll your choices take on your physical, emotional,spiritual, and mentalhealth. It’s so important for you to trust your own instincts and inner wisdom. A true sign of an ever- evolving person is one who can look back and identify the many “beds” they got to try out, live in for a time, and then moved on. Hopefully you will embrace the idea that this is the healthiest and most productive way to live your life!
Share with us a time when you were able to let go of the belief “you made your bed now lie in it.”
任何人堅持讓你永遠堅守原來的選擇， 就是讓你封凍在歷史中。 他們推崇這種觀念， 因為它符合他們自身的目的與需求， 而沒有考慮它對你和你的生活造成的影響。 人們能夠快速做出判斷， 即使你沒有詢問他們的意見。 他們會給你他們認為對你最有利的建議。 甚至在他們不知道全部情況時， 也可以對你的生活做出全面的陳述與判斷。 他們不會考慮你當下的需求與感覺或者你的選擇使你自身身體、情感、精神和心理健康付出的代價。 所以相信自己的本能與內在的智慧對你是如此的重要。
當你可以讓“你做的選擇， 現在自食其果吧”這種信念隨風而去時， 要與我們分享這一時刻。