您的位置:首頁>正文

申請被秒拒?因為你的PS寫成這樣!

個人陳述 ( personal statement, “PS”)是在留學申請的過程中學校要求的反映學生學術經歷和生活故事的一篇陳述。 這也是留學文書中至關重要的一部分, 幾乎所有的學校都會要求申請者提交的材料中含有一篇PS性質的文章。

當我們看待個人陳述時, 應該把它當作申請材料的一個部分。 意思是, 個人陳述是讓學校決定是否給你offer, 是否錄取你的一個部分。 所以在書寫過程中的重點應該是:你為什麼需要去這個學校, 以及你能給這個學校帶去什麼。 同時我們也要清醒地認識到, 正因為PS是申請的一部分, 在其他軟體和硬體材料上也需要下功夫, 避免了申請的其它短板, 有一篇出彩的個人陳述, 獲得理想錄取的可能才會更高。

寫就一篇好的個人陳述, 需要個人對於自己學術經歷或者申請專業熱情的深度挖掘和細心整合, 還需要對於可能的錯誤有所瞭解, 避免可能出現的誤區。

一般而言, 個人陳述的五大誤區有:

跑題

個人陳述通常的要求是描述自己的個人經歷和學術經驗, 但有些學校的官方網站會給出相應的要求, 可能具體反映學科特色和有非常具體的問題。 這裡所說的跑題, 第一個是違背一般要求, 第二種是違背某一學校的特殊PS要求。

違背一般要求

有些同學喜歡在PS文章大量介紹學科概念, 例如:

“Public policy is the principled guide to action taken by the administrative executive branches of the state with regard to a class of issues, in a manner consistent with law and institutional customs. The foundation of public policy is composed of national constitutional laws and regulations. Further substrates include both judicial interpretations and regulations which are generally authorized by legislation. Public policy is considered strong when it solves problems efficiently and effectively, serves justice, supports governmental institutions and policies, and encourages active citizenship.”

這些敘述看似沒有跑題, 和申請專業很相關, 但其實看PS的 admission officer 對於這些概念是很熟悉的, 他們能看出來你有沒有在這個學科描述上用心思。 申請者要記住個人陳述是需要很“個人”的, 與其花篇幅來做這些介紹, 不如談談你的主觀理解。 你的思考不一定有這些概念介紹全面,

但是可以體現你對這個學科的探索和思考。 比如:

I am fully convinced that Public Policy Study is vital to any modern society. It shapes our understanding of our social systems and responsibilities, and informs government legislation and policy-making. The great attraction of a career in public policy research lies in that it will allow me to play a part in the planning and the building of a future society of our country, which is not only richer, but better.

這一段文字就很好的避免了這個誤區, 把學科描述轉變成自己的理解, 讓這篇個人陳述變得更加“個人”, 加入了自己對於學科的情感和理解。

需要注意的是, 如果是你研究過的冷門小分支或者相對本土化的學科裡面的概念, 且對於後文你的經歷描述很重要, 是需要解釋的, 並使用和注明相對權威的資訊來源。 例如有同學要在文書中描述研究中國農村政策的經歷, “大學生村官”這種概念, 國外教授不一定會知道, 這時候就應該做描述, 不要讓看文書的人思考, 直接告訴名詞概念。

違背特殊要求

有些學校對於個人陳述有非常具體的要求, 一些隻要求描述一段學術經歷,

一些要求回答一個對於學科概念的看法。 在這種情況下, 同學們一定要事先通過學校官方網站查看和記錄, 有針對性的寫PS。

羅列CV內容

還有一些同學喜歡在PS裡面羅列自己的CV內容。 例如:

During the summer of 2015, I received a research fellowship and my responsibility includes…

During the summer of 2016, I became Research Assistant of Professor XXX…

And I interned in Company XX in the December of 2016…

這樣的PS浪費了一個寶貴的展現自我的機會, 同時反映了寫作者對於PS的寫作的一個誤解, 就是相比於經歷而言, PS更重視申請人的領悟和感受。 具體描述你對於學科產生熱情的契機, 加上最多不超過兩段對你的深刻影響, 有感而發的經歷瞭解就行了。 羅列CV必然造成PS冗長, 且內容散, 這也是申請者應該避免的誤區。

再看:

“It was, however, an accidental event that prompted me to take Public Policy as my area of focus. An organizer of a student “social practice” activity, I came to a community school operated exclusively for children of migrant workers, who could not enter regular schools because of their “alien” status–an experience I will never forget. The contrast between the school’s facilities with those of ordinary city schools shocked me. In the clear eyes of the children sitting before me I read longing and suffering. I kept asking myself what I could do for these children, not just the one hundred or more in front of me, but millions and millions more like them. It is only through the development of the social welfare system and appropriate government policy that the disadvantaged may be helped and protected, and all children may have an equal opportunity to education and success. Since then, I have been fully determined to devote myself to the cause of public service and social welfare.”

這樣的表述是比較推薦的表述, 雖然經歷上沒有過多表述(關於參觀留守兒童學校的背景只用了一句話), 但感受和個人感悟部分寫的很好,

充分地發揮了個人陳述的作用。 這樣的表述會容易得到招生官的青睞。

機械套用

近20年, 中國申請留學的人數越來越多, 許多前輩留下了很多有參考性的資料和經驗分享, 很多論壇是流傳著許多看似靠譜的PS模版, 例如:

“I will never forget my experience of working alongside doctors to fight against the horrible disease, AA, in China in 200X. This work taught me the great impact of disease control and prevention and motivated me to apply for the biostatistics program at Yale University, with the ultimate career goal of becoming an influential professional or researcher in the field. I firmly believe that my constant thirst for knowledge, high regard for the work in the biomedical and public health fields, and my courageousness will drive my graduate studies and help me achieve personal and professional success.”

又例如 “from a young age”, “since I was a child”, “I’ve always been fascinated by”, “I have a thirst for knowledge”, “the world we live in today”.

且不說這些敘述—— 傳染病的爆發使我想要學生物, 8歲起我就熱愛文學——使得閱讀者產生嚴重的審美疲勞, 這些表述反應了申請者沒有認真思考自己的經歷, 沒有把自己當作一個獨立的有思考能力的個體表達一個成年人的學科熱情, 這對於PS而言是一個不好的開始。

套用限制了申請者對於個人經歷的深度挖掘, 而且即使是後期做了大量語言潤色和修改, PS的邏輯框架被這種模版限制住了, 行文的流暢程度也會受到很大的影響。總而言之,PS絕對不可以是套範本寫出來的,範本PS會給你精彩的背景拉後腿。

用詞花哨

許多申請者認為,PS是一個英語寫作的較量,用大詞是一種反應自己英文造詣的方法。能用華麗的大詞,就不會用小詞,例如:

在PS裡你可能會寫:“The indication of her rhetorical strategy…”而在實際生活中,你會直接說:“Her style of persuasion…”

這種大詞其實對於讀文章的人而言是一種負擔,因為讀的時候需要額外理解一下表達。這種多餘的用在選擇高級詞彙上的努力,其實反而會造成反效果。在寫就PS的過程中,追求精准的表達,比追求華麗要重要很多。例如:

“Law is an area which has interested me from an early age. I enjoy extensive reading and recognise that this is essential in studying law. I consider myself to be well suited to a career in law as I pay much attention to detail and take pleasure in undergoing work which raises social issues in today’s society and requires the skill to manipulate evidence and present persuasive arguments.”

這段對於自己的性格和法律學科契合的描述雖然語言平實,但是精煉、表達到位,是申請的加分表達。

邏輯性和學術性不足

這是來自牛津皇家學院給出的錯誤示範:

“Oddly enough it was actually the film 10 Things I Hate About You that made me decide for sure that I wanted to study English. All my friends kept saying how much I remind them of Julia Stiles in that film with her passion for poetry.Its true, I do adore poetry and I have won quite a few awards for my own poems and everyone says how good they are… ”

這段話犯了一個嚴重的錯誤,就是使用10 Things I Hate About You 這樣的通俗作品來說明自己的興趣,來申請英文文學學位。雖然我們在寫個人陳述的時候是要追求平實敘述,但同時我們的PS還要體現對於嚴肅學術內容的興趣和瞭解。這種用中文做類比,就是說,我看了一個叫做《那些年》的電影,覺得我和裡面的女主角很像,也非常文靜和喜歡讀書。所以我要學中文。這敘述當中的荒謬就更加能夠體現了。言溯上文,PS更應該貼近學術方面,談論學術經歷、學術感受,盡可能地避免空洞無意義的敘述。

寫一篇個人陳述對於申請者個人而言,其實是一個非常好的回溯自己的生活,尋找自己對於學科興趣,甚至反思自己究竟適不適合學習這個學科的節點。

行文的流暢程度也會受到很大的影響。總而言之,PS絕對不可以是套範本寫出來的,範本PS會給你精彩的背景拉後腿。

用詞花哨

許多申請者認為,PS是一個英語寫作的較量,用大詞是一種反應自己英文造詣的方法。能用華麗的大詞,就不會用小詞,例如:

在PS裡你可能會寫:“The indication of her rhetorical strategy…”而在實際生活中,你會直接說:“Her style of persuasion…”

這種大詞其實對於讀文章的人而言是一種負擔,因為讀的時候需要額外理解一下表達。這種多餘的用在選擇高級詞彙上的努力,其實反而會造成反效果。在寫就PS的過程中,追求精准的表達,比追求華麗要重要很多。例如:

“Law is an area which has interested me from an early age. I enjoy extensive reading and recognise that this is essential in studying law. I consider myself to be well suited to a career in law as I pay much attention to detail and take pleasure in undergoing work which raises social issues in today’s society and requires the skill to manipulate evidence and present persuasive arguments.”

這段對於自己的性格和法律學科契合的描述雖然語言平實,但是精煉、表達到位,是申請的加分表達。

邏輯性和學術性不足

這是來自牛津皇家學院給出的錯誤示範:

“Oddly enough it was actually the film 10 Things I Hate About You that made me decide for sure that I wanted to study English. All my friends kept saying how much I remind them of Julia Stiles in that film with her passion for poetry.Its true, I do adore poetry and I have won quite a few awards for my own poems and everyone says how good they are… ”

這段話犯了一個嚴重的錯誤,就是使用10 Things I Hate About You 這樣的通俗作品來說明自己的興趣,來申請英文文學學位。雖然我們在寫個人陳述的時候是要追求平實敘述,但同時我們的PS還要體現對於嚴肅學術內容的興趣和瞭解。這種用中文做類比,就是說,我看了一個叫做《那些年》的電影,覺得我和裡面的女主角很像,也非常文靜和喜歡讀書。所以我要學中文。這敘述當中的荒謬就更加能夠體現了。言溯上文,PS更應該貼近學術方面,談論學術經歷、學術感受,盡可能地避免空洞無意義的敘述。

寫一篇個人陳述對於申請者個人而言,其實是一個非常好的回溯自己的生活,尋找自己對於學科興趣,甚至反思自己究竟適不適合學習這個學科的節點。

同類文章
Next Article
喜欢就按个赞吧!!!
点击关闭提示